Crap Crap Crap

and more crap.

I kinda thought things were going ok… in my head.

It wasn’t as fuzzy and buzzy as it had been in the past so I thought my combo of meds must be working.

But!… I’m still having major anxiety issues and a meltdown in late December that had a number of people very concerned about me – people that don’t know about my ‘condition’.

I can feel myself slipping down again.

Result – a change in meds.

It’s not helping that the one I’m coming off is for controlling my mood and depression.

I’m freaking out about starting a new med as you never know how you’ll react to it….or how you’ll react coming off the old one.

Coming off Zoloft nearly killed me.

I’ve started decreasing my dose and I’m already feeling the effects.

This is not fun.

I’m tired.

I don’t want to do anything.

I really cannot see any end to this mess in my head.

I am losing my memory. I’m getting told every day how bad it is.

Sometimes I wonder if I am or that they just can’t remember if they told me something or not. Are they deliberately making me feel like I’m going mad?

I don’t know what to believe.

Will I ever be normal?… what is normal?

Anyway I must get back to putting a smile on my face and pretend everything is fine. For their sake.

Sam x